Tinder-Benders on I Am The F-Bomb!

Please check out my piece on Tinderisms, up now on I Am The F-Bomb!

http://www.iamthefbomb.com/personal-story-tinder-benders/

Here's some excerpts:

Maybe it’s the simplicity of it, or the fact that it could be the most perfect social experiment, but it does raise many questions and conundrums.

Why does it have to be so absolute? I’m on this site because I have a problem with commitment, so why am I forced to make an unalterable decision right this second? Yes could lead to a few different scenarios, no would lose that person presumably forever. WHAT IF I’M SWIPING LEFT TO MY SOULMATE?

Here’s the normal anxiety-ridden scenario I face on a daily basis:
Do I like him? Yes or no? Can I put maybe? Can you ask me in like a month when I’m desperate and my standards have been significantly lowered?

He’s hot, but he also seems to really love tribal tattoos and cargo shorts. Can I look past these things because he is actually hot?

Or can he grow a beard – is there potential for a beard? Does he have chest hair? Can I ask him if he has chest hair?

Generally, the profiles you see will constitute a big, fat NOPE in your brain. The app is mostly useful in figuring out what you DON’T like. Or things you thought you didn’t like, but are willing to overlook at this point in your life.

[...]

In my experience with my “matches,” or a dude I’ve swiped right to, who has also swiped right to me, I’d say about 40% of them are freakin’ gross. Like right off the bat, “wanna bang?” (which is a FAR more tame version of some messages I’ve been sent) What the heck, NO?

I feel like I do a pretty good job in weeding out the creeps, but it doesn’t matter if you find a nice, respectable young gentleman smiling next to his maw-maw, he’s still going to be a totally disrespectful weirdo.

Usually, you match with someone and you don’t say anything. Ever. The dude’s profile is just chillin’ there in your arsenal of validation.

I’m old fashioned about my 21st century dating apps, so I expect a guy to message me first. But, I am a modern career woman and I don’t have time for this chivalry, so I need to figure out the perfect ice-breaking line to reel ‘em in. I was thinking, “I don’t have herpes!” That should work.

 

Except, one guy sent me a joke and I didn’t get it and I was embarrassed so I blocked him. I’m sorry, dude.

Here’s some trends I have observed in using the app for about two weeks.

Swipe left for any guy who “lives life to the fullest” or lists “working out” as a hobby.

To guys with pictures and no description: are u tryin 2b mysterious~ or ~aloof~? v cool guy~ ur 2cool4tinder~

A plethora of “positive vibes.” Okay what the hell is a vibe? ~whoa brah, yer vibe man, totally negative man; tubular; gnarly~

Lately...

Spotted myself in the monthly HealthSouth newsletter!

Found an AMAZING vintage faux squash blossom necklace on Etsy.

Dress is from Free People

My beautiful babe

Quick pic of what I wore:

Tunic - Free People

Undershirt - Old Navy

Fringe cardigan - Free People

Brown clogs - Lucky Brand (found at Plato's Closet)

Jeans - American Eagle (black high rise jeggings)

Coat - Margot from Urban Outfitters

Rings - Birchbox, Old Navy, rue21

Had a yard sale with my friends

Me hustlin' at 5th Avenue Antiques

Cuddlin' with Sylv.

gravy fries for Girlsgiving with my best friends!

More Sylvia

Loved seeing my mom's sweet dog, Daisy, over the break!

so excited about my fresh hair cut, great lighting and new mascara that i took a shameless selfie

NOT excited about the lack of wine

Hung out with my cousin's babe, Baxter!

And cooked brunch (chocolate bacon muffins + mimosas) for my friends after a loooooooong and tiring weekend.

Self-Care

I haven't posted in a while. I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues, stresses, confusions and tried to focus on taking good care of myself. Therefore, I didn't find any time to post.

Before I make any more posts, here's some advice from me to you:
Take care of yourself.

Binge on Netflix
Eat peanut butter straight from the jar
Take a bath
Cry if you want to
Read something that makes you smile
Don't be afraid to reach out to your friends
Cuddle with a pet
Take a walk
Bake
Sing loudly in the car
Go shopping
Write in a journal (or even a private blog)
Order a pizza
Skip a workout
Call your mom
Drink hot tea
Light a candle
Reconnect with old friends
Sleep late
Stay in

Take a deep breath. Everything will be okay.

Do what makes you feel happy in this very moment, because you and your mental health are what's important when life starts to feel overwhelming. Don't forget to write down what you're thankful for, what makes you happy, even if it's something small, and say them out loud. Only you know what you need.

I know this is really personal and out of the ordinary for my blog, but I know that I'm not alone in these lost and hopeless feelings, and everyone could stand to use a pick-me-up. Don't be afraid to take time and focus on yourself. In the long run, you'll benefit the most from it.


Thank you guys so much for reading. My blog seriously makes me so happy sometimes.

First Piece on I Am The F-Bomb!

This is my first contributing piece on I Am The F-Bomb, a Birmingham-based feminist blog that features many amazing women writers who I'm honored to be featured with!

My post is called "Rape Culture at UAB." It highlights the shortcomings, myths, and resources surrounding sexual assault on campus, specifically at my alma mater, the University of Alabama at Birmingham. It also features a short documentary by two amazing film students and a lot of facts and links.

Excerpt:

Does UAB have a rape culture problem? In short, yes. I would wager that very campus does. Download the Yik Yak app or go to a frat party and you’ll hear a plethora of rape jokes and misogynistic statements being tossed around nonchalantly, adding to the victim blaming and trivialization of sexual assault and inevitably encourages women to not report their attack.

Rape culture at UAB becomes a huge problem when its own police force perpetuates it. My first encounter with the UAB Police Department was a female officer at an on-campus Take Back The Night event for SURVIVORS to share their stories, jumping up and scolding young women for “walking around alone at night” and “wearing headphones” when walking on campus. Additionally, on the UABPD’s website, there is a page titled, “Date Rape”  with a lot of problematic wording on it that makes my skin crawl.

[...]

Excuse me, but where is the section for men? Did I miss the part where the UABPD told men, “Hey, if you see a girl passed out on the couch, she legally cannot consent to sex!” or “Just because you take a girl out, even if she kisses you, or flirts with you, even if she’s had sex with you or anyone else a billion times before, does not mean that sex with her should be owed or expected.”

I think that campus safety tips are important, but the UABPD does not realize that women have these cautious behaviors engrained in our every move due to a society that not only ignores, but often condones sexual assault. It is more important to provide useful information instead of judgmental wording.

Click here to read more:
http://www.iamthefbomb.com/rape-culture-at-uab/

#tbt

My grandparents and me at my high school graduation

Literally the funniest picture of my family in the whole wide world

Sylvia when she was a BAYYYYBEEEEEEE!

Grandmommy, mom and me at a banquet when I was in high school

And mama and me when I was a wee lil chunk.

Makeup Roundup

I got a ton of stuff from Birchbox by combining promos, allowing me to get all of this stuff for $30!

My two free mystery samples. 

I get the Vasanti Brighten Up! facial scrub all the time now, but I don't even mind. I love it. It's the most exfoliating cleanser I've ever used, and it makes my skin feel so fresh and soft.

I've had the oil treatment version of this hair product before, but the sample was so small that I couldn't really tell if it actually worked or not, and this cream is packaged in a sample of the same size, so it's not my favorite.

Facial soap was on the top of my grocery list, so I thought, why not get some off Birchbox and earn some points. I really love this wash. It's exfoliating and the lemon balm really brightens my face.

My main purchase was this Marcelle BB Gold Gift Set. It comes with a Golden Glow BB Cream, Twist Push Up Mascara, and a BB Cleanser

I didn't know the products would be so big! I feel like this was a great deal. I love the golden hues in the BB cream, so it's more of a bronze illuminator rather than pearly or pink-toned. It's really shimmery and light, but has more coverage than the Urban Decay Naked Illuminating BB Cream.

This cleanser is a little strange. It doesn't need to be rinsed off, but it's like a white lotion-like substance, which is great for moisturizing, as opposed to alcohol or oil based makeup removers, but it is a little strange to get used to.

This mascara is pretty cool too. It gives the option of a normal mascara wand, or you can twist it up for a more volumizing stroke.

Left is the twisted, volumizing option, and right is normal.

I got this really great cream eyeshadow from Performance Colors on Etsy in "Raisin."

The chap-stick applicator works pretty well on your eyelids and it's creaseless! I like it a lot.

The seller is so sweet. My order was a little delayed, and she sent me another color, a gunmetal dark grey, for free. She is so sweet!

 Here's the "Raisin" shade below:

Insomnia Cosmetics Vegan Lipstick from Etsy!

 The lipstick I ordered from Etsy just came in!

Pyromaniac by Insomnia Cosmetics

(Insomnia actually carries a TON of lipstick colors in any shade you could think of, so I'm sure you'll be able to find a shade just for you!)

I was happy to discover that the lipstick was matte instead of glossy/metallic as seen in the photo.

However, instead of vibrant burnt orange, it was a lot more brown than I had anticipated and looked really awful on my lips.

So I wore it under my Revlon Colorburst matte lip crayon in "Striking Spectaculaire" and it looked a lot better, much more of what I expected.

Here's the end result in two different lights (my bathroom and at work). 

I love it!